Years Later

I looked at him, at his gorgeous eyes, his soft hair. I couldn’t believe he was real. He couldn’t be.

“He’s adorable,” Karan said and lifted his wife’s hand to kiss it.

“He’s more than adorable. He’s the most precious thing I’ve ever seen,” I replied without taking my eyes off the bundle in my hands, though my vision had started to go blurry.

Carson pressed his chest to my back and put his arms around me and around our son, who struggled to open his eyes but every so often managed it for enough seconds to show us their bright blue shade.

“As if we have a son,” I mumbled.

I was still in disbelief. I could hardly believe I was holding a real baby. My son. Our son. We had been talking about starting a family for so long but it had taken a backseat as life threw stuff at us.

It hadn’t all been bad things. It hadn’t all been good either. But we’d made it through all of it together, Carson and I, Stronger than ever.

And just when we’d started to think this would never happen for us, that the ship had sailed and we’d just have to make do with being uncles and godfathers, that was when she came to us and offered to complete our family.

“Should I get the kids? They’ve been dying to meet their not-brother,” Karan said and both he and Nalini turned to us as if they needed to ask our permission.

They had been our family for a long time even before Nalini offered to become our surrogate.

Karan kissed her hand again and walked outside giving us a moment with his wife and our son.

Carson stepped by my side and offered me his hands.

“May I?” he whispered and I gave him our son.

Our freaking son!

As if we had a son!

I watched him sway from side to side, rocking the baby, cooing at him with an unbeatable smile that made my heart feel as if it could explode.

And to think when I came back to Mayberry all those years ago I thought dreams were not something that came true but here we were, both of us married, in love, the happiest we’d ever been. Even more so now we were officially a family.

Apparently dreams did come true.

“Oh God!” I said as the happiness inside me burst and I felt something different, a dread wash over me.

I took a seat on Nalini’s hospital bed and took a deep breath.

“Baby, are you okay?” Carson reached for me and at the same time Nalini grabbed my hand.

“It’s happening isn’t it?” she asked.

I turned to her and she had a knowing look on her face, a glint in her eyes as if she could read my mind.

“What is it?” I asked her.

“What’s what? What’s happening?” Carson asked.

Nalini glanced at him and smiled.

“Don’t worry it will hit you too. Just give it a moment,” she told him.

“What will hit me? What are you talking about?”

Nalini looked between us and her expression softened.

“This thing that happens when you become a parent,” she said. “When you realize you love something more than you love life itself.”

“But this feels horrible,” I said and it was as if…as if I could feel my body start to shake.

“Of course it does. Because something happens when you become a parent and you realize you love your kid more than you’ve ever known you could love anything. And with that comes the fear. A fear about them hurting and being unable to protect them. Wanting to shield them from the world but not knowing how.”

As soon as she vocalized it took shape inside me, it strengthened, making me feel even weaker. Even more unprepared.

“Fuck, you’re right. How—how can we protect him from everything?” I asked and looked at Carson, who put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“I’ll leave you to find that out for yourselves. Don’t want to spoil the goods for you.”

I gasped.

“Hey! That’s not fair. You can’t name the feeling and then back away,” I told her.

Nalini laughed.

“Watch me.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, willing her to stop and tell me how to defeat this heavy weight inside me but she didn’t.

“We’re going to be okay, baby. It’s okay,” Carson said.

He crouched down and put our son back in my hands. I held him tight, secure, all of a sudden  too aware of dropping him.

“Have you guys settled on a name yet?” Nalini asked.

We shook our heads.

“It’ll come to you,” she said.

“Actually,” Carson said and stood back up. “We were going to…to ask you if you want to name him.”

“Me? Are you sure? Why me?”

“”Because, we wouldn’t have him without you,” I said. “We wouldn’t even this little treasure in our arms if you hadn’t offered to do this for us.”

Nalin pressed his lips together and blinked a tear or two away.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded and Nalini smiled. I readjusted on the bed so I was sitting next to her, shoulder to shoulder and she reached out for our son’s little tuft of blond hair.

“How about…Ravi?” she said. “He’s your little treasure, your sunshine, so his name should reflect that.”

“Ravi?” I asked and turned to Carson.

“It’s the word for sun. In Sanskrit,” she said.

We both looked down at our little guy and smiled.

“Hey, mister! What do you think? Is your name Ravi?” I asked.

Our son smiled.

Or maybe he was frustrated by his own saliva, if the bubbles in his mouth were any indication, but…

“I think he likes it,” I declared.

“I like it too,” Carson crouched down and planted a kiss on Ravi and it made the terror inside me a little easier. A little less intense.

I guessed maybe that was how we defeated it. How we tackled that nerve-ending fear of being unable to protect Ravi from everything. By focusing on love.

The door opened and two kids ran inside. Dilan followed by his little sister, Priya, my goddaughter, and they crowded around us the baby full of awe and excitement.

“Is this him? Is this him?” Dilan asked.

I smiled and Carson grabbed his godson’s hand.

“He is. That’s little Ravi,” he said. “He was in Mommy’s belly.”

Dilan smiled and touched Ravi’s forehead with shaky fingers. Priya, on the other hand, was less delicate, probably too young to feel any fear.

“He’s so cuuute!” she exclaimed.

Dilan didn’t say anything however. Not for a long time. He simply stared at Ravi as if he couldn’t believe our son was real either. As if he was looking at a work of art.

“I know he’s not our real brother,” he said, eventually, “but I will always be his big brother! I’ll protect him.”

Carson grabbed Dilan by the nape and pulled him into a hug as his parents melted and my fear wavered yet again.

It might be scary, bringing a whole human being into this world but we had enough love within us, both Carson and I, and around us in our extended family to build a big enough shield so that he never ever got hurt.

And even if he did, enough love to make it all better.

I hugged Dilan and little Priya too and when I looked at Carson I recognized the same dread that had ambushed me only moments ago.

“Hey daddy,” I whispered and cupped his face so I could kiss him. “I love you, my handsome. I love you so much. We can do this. Don’t worry. We’ll be fine.” It was my turn to reassure him.

He nodded and kissed me back. Like he always did. Like he always would. No matter what.

And I felt a little more at ease because another one of our dreams had come true and this one?

This one was the best dream of all.