Felix

6 months later

It was dark when I started biting my nails and now it’s daylight. It’s a brand new habit. One I’m not so keen on but…I can’t help it.

Hayworth, poor guy, has spent all night by my side, watching me, consoling me, kissing me. Telling me everything is going to be okay even if I don’t feel like it right this moment.

But the truth is, I’m scared.

I keep refreshing the page, over and over again until even the browser just gives up on me and crashes.

But it’s been two weeks. Two weeks since I sent out the advance reader copies and still no reviews. Nothing. Not even a rating. I have no idea how my book is doing.

“But look at the royalties dashboard. You’re making money,” he keeps reminding me as if I’ve forgotten.

My book has been on pre-order for a few months now and has gotten an honorable number of pre-orders, not that I know exactly what to expect. The numbers after the dollar sign are sweet and have grown even sweeter overnight as more of the world is receiving my book, so at least there’s the comfort of a few extra bucks on my account.

But right now, I would kill for some reviews. I want to know what the response is. This is my first book. The first thing I’ve ever written that I’ve shared with the world and I need the validation to let me know I’m at least on the right path.

“Here,” Hayworth says and offers me a coffee.

It feels warm in my hands and like a relief to the kickboxing in my guts that hasn’t stopped all night.

The time’s gone six and I haven’t had a shut eye. I’m starting to feel the exhaustion and sleeplessness taking over.

I take a sip of the coffee and sit back for a moment, savoring this, his company, the anticipation, the rush of feelings I’ve never felt before. I want to remember how it felt releasing my first book even if it’s living through it feels just as exhausting as it is exhilarating.

“God, I could throw up,” I mumble and Hayworth smiles.

“Seriously?”

I nod and he caresses my cheek with a compassionate pout that makes me feel silly. I know I am. I know this is ridiculous. I shouldn’t be sweating bullets but I can’t help it.

It feels pretty similar to what I go through whenever I deliver a cover to an author and wait with bated breath to hear their thoughts. I’m a praise whore. Plain and simple.

“It’s all going to be okay, sweetheart,” he whispers and plants a kiss to my forehead and he leans forward to hit reload on the keyboard. The page flashes white for a second and when it fills up with text, color and images again, there’s a five star rating glaring back at me.

“OMG!” I jump and in my rush to scroll down to the review I almost spill my coffee. On my laptop no less.

“I think I’ll take that,” Hayworth chuckles and I bite my lip, muttering a thanks. “We don’t want you ruining your moneymaker, do we?”

I look down at my crotch and raise an eyebrow at Hayworth. He narrows his eyes and purses his lips looking goofy and damn cute.

“Oh you mean my laptop.” I wince in fake realization and my boyfriend groans, rolling his eyes.

My boyfriend. I can’t believe that’s even a thing. Who would have told me seven months ago when I started fake dating this disaster of a man that I’d be living my happily ever after with him as if we’re my romance book characters, Hart and Rocky?

And yet, he’s still here. He’s still giving a hundred percent to this and neither I nor the girls have scared him away yet. At this rate, I don’t think there’s anything we can do that would scare him.

“You’re not that funny, you know,” he says and I gasp.

“How dare you? How dare you, rude sir?”

He narrows his eyes and pushes me away from him playfully.

“Stop being smart and read the damn review so we can sleep,” he says.

“Sleep? Who’s sleeping? We promised the girls we’d take them to the lake for a swim today.”

“Well I’ll take them and you can have your beauty rest.”

“Really?” I look into his eyes, those gorgeous brown eyes I fell so easily in love with and my heart skips a beat.

“Really.” He cups my face and this time when he kisses me, it’s on the lips.

I close my eyes for a moment, take in this wonderful man and how lucky I am he chose me and when he pulls back, I smile.

“Sounds like a plan,” I say.

I turn my attention to the laptop screen and pull it closer so I can read the review and he cozies up next to me.

Words like sweet, cute, heart-pounding, sexy, and captivating stand out but it takes a couple rereads before I can fully soak up the compliments.

“They like it, see?” he says.

“It’s just one person,” I mumble but if truth be told, I can finally breathe a little easier.

Hayworth puts his hand in the middle of my chest and I turn to look at him.

“Sometimes that’s all it takes. One person, doesn’t it?”

I bite my lip and take a deep breath.

This man. The same man who had sworn off love for good until he met me and I was convinced I couldn’t or shouldn’t be with anyone for the sake of my kids but then…look at us now. We’re all so much better for having known one another and allowing ourselves to fall in love.

“It does,” I whisper and he leans in for a kiss.

No matter how much time goes by I can never have enough. I can’t imagine I will ever have enough.

Time stands still as I feel the tingle of our intertwined mouths all the way down my spine and crotch. I push toward him to deepen the kiss, when he pulls away and climbs out of bed.

“Wha—where are you going?”

“Hang on,” he says and closes the door behind him, leaving me very hot and a little bothered.

My gaze goes from the door to the review in the laptop and back to the door.

When he’s not back within the next three seconds I hit refresh and find another review waiting for me.

It’s just three words and five stars but it makes my heart skip another beat.

“I loved it.”

That’s it. That’s all it says and I can’t help the smile that takes control of my face.

They like it.

They like my writing.

They like my stories.

Hayworth opens the door and enters with two glasses and a bottle of champagne. I close the laptop and place it on the floor so I can focus on him.

“Wh-what is that?”

“I was gonna pop it at midnight but you were so worried about reviews I thought I’d wait until the first one came through.”

Pop!

The cork flies off to the wall and I follow its trajectory while Hayworth fills up the glasses. The liquid fizzes loudly and he sits next to me raising his flute.

“Congratulations, babe! I’m so proud of you.”

I can’t take my eyes off him. I simply can’t. Not when we clink our glasses together, nor when we take a sip and the fizz tickles my nose. Not even when the champagne goes down the wrong hole and I have to cough to clear my throat.

I never thought I’d need to hear that from anyone or that it’d mean so much, more than I could ever put into words, but damn it if it doesn’t get me right in the feels.

It’s good being adored and respected and loved for everything you are. How did I get so lucky to get all that?

“Are you okay?” He pats my back and stares right back at me with a hint of concern and a touch of amusement and it takes me a minute to catch my breath.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Great,” he replies and takes another sip from his glass before he puts it down on the bedside table and gets down on his knees.

“What are you doing?”

He puts his hands on the waistband of my pajama shorts and with a smirk tugs at them.

“I gotta give you inspiration for the next book,” he says and I lift my hips as a burn that’s definitely not from the alcohol travels down my body and makes me throb in a matter of seconds.

“I’ve already written the next one,” I say.

“The one after that, then.” He says and flicks his tongue over my cock with such nonchalance it takes my body a moment to register the touch or its impact on my nervous system.

“Fuck!” I groan. “I’ve written the next one too.”

“Will you shut up so I can suck you?” he asks.

I pinch my fingers close and run them along my lips like a zipper and spread my legs wide open for him.

He grins and gets comfortable down on the floor before he presses his face to my crotch and steals my breath. His tongue slips in and out of his mouth teasing my cock, starting littles fires all over my skin, making it equally excruciating and intoxicating.

I definitely haven’t had enough of this, him on his knees worshipping me like I’m his god. I can’t imagine I will ever have enough of that either. It’s like going your entire life seeing everything in black and white and suddenly getting color vision. He’s awakened something in me I didn’t even realize was in slumber.

His fingers trail up my thighs giving me goosebumps and before I can react slides them up in me, one at a time with determination. The shivers turn to a tsunami of desire and I moan. I know I should be quiet but I’m not sure I can when he’s playing with me like that.

The fucker smirks when I try to muffle the sound and drives his fingers deeper in me. I resort to biting my hand. It doesn’t work, naturally. I take a sip of my champagne but it doesn't work either. So instead, I put the glass down and use both hands to keep me from audibly erupting and it’s that moment my entire body strains.

Hayworth works his fingers in and out of me in a steady rhythm, but his lips are wrapped around my cock and he’s sucking, over and over until I feel huge inside his mouth and I could just about explode right there and then.

“God, I love you,” I moan and finally resort to muffling my sounds with a pillow.

I can’t even see him anymore, but I hear him when he says: “I love you too”.

For some reason not seeing him do what he’s doing to me makes every sensation far more intense than they have any right to be, so I ditch the pillow just in time to look into his eyes, steel my body and brace myself for the roaring inferno that sputters out of me, wave after wave leaving me breathless and weaker with each shudder.

“Fuck, Hayworth,” I gasp.

He doesn’t respond. He simply gets up, straddles my hips and leans down for a long awaited breath. A long awaited dose of oxygen. A long awaited kiss.

“I love you, Felix,” he says after a moment and I hold him close to me until I can find the words and strength to tell him that I love him too.

“You are the third best thing that’s happened to me,” I tell him and he smiles.

“That’s a bronze. I love a bronze medal,” he says and for the billionth time I can’t believe I’m with a man who not only loves me unconditionally, he’s also happy to take third place in my life without complaint or bitterness, like a true father.

We might not have said those words to each other and the girls might still call him Hayworth but we all know he’s more of a dad to them than Mark ever was.

“And for the record, you’re the number one best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he says and I surrender to his love and affection once more before I’m all spent and desperate for some shut-eye.

“We should do this again,” I say, sleepily.

“What? Stay up all night watching a laptop screen?”

“No,” I chuckle. “Release champange and blowjobs.”

“Oh don’t worry, babe. I’ll make it a tradition,” he whispers.

I sigh.

“Damn it.”

“What?”

“I wish I could write a book a day,” I tell him and he chuckles.

“Me too, babe. Me too,” he chuckles and cuddles up behind me, keeping me there until I fall fast asleep. Safe, sound and loved.