It's an Asshole - Saturday Shorts

This short takes place after Vampire Heart (book 3)


Add a pinch of fairy dust.

Fairy dust! What is this? A fucking fairy tale? I shook my head, but reached for the little pouch and pinch the substance that some dickhead had so cleverly named fairy dust. I dropped it in the mortar with the rest of the ingredients.

10ml of dragon’s blood.

Are we serious? It’s not blood. It’s fucking tree juice. Get a grip.

I almost grabbed the instructional book and shoved it in the fireplace. But if I would ever learn to make my own spells I had to be more patient. And of course I had to start with security spells. I couldn’t have gone for an easy one.

This was my third attempt and if I kept it up, we wouldn’t have a house. And my baby had spent enough money buying it and furnishing it as it was.

The door creaked open—yes; the door was creaky, as were parts of the floor. It was all part of our ongoing work to bringing this house and Anabel’s next door to the twenty-first century—and Wade came in, holding a shoe-size box in his hands.

“Hey baby, nice package,” I grinned and got up to greet him with a kiss.

He returned my kiss but no tongue. What were we? Nuns? I nudged his lips with my tongue, but he wouldn’t budge.

Fine. Guess who isn’t getting a blowjob later?

“I heard that,” he said, and I raised an eyebrow.

“Good. That was the point,” I said. “What’s this,” I turned my attention to the box.

“A surprise,” he said.

I sighed.

“I know you don’t like surprises, but I think you’ll love this.”

With that, he sat down on the couch and put the box on the coffee table in front of him. I knelt on the floor next to him.

He put his hands on either side of the lid, but before he lifted it, I touched his fingers.

“It’s not, like, anything nasty is it? I don’t need to stand back or anything?” I asked.

Wade laughed.

“No, I think you’re good,” he said.

I raised my eyebrow again. It had become a thing since he’d domesticated me.

“You think? You’re not sure?”

“I’m sure,” he confirmed, but the amusement remained on his face.

I nodded for him to continue and he lifted the lid to reveal a milky white Burmilla cat, no larger than my palm. Its eyes were big and emerald and it looked at me like a queen that had been unceremoniously awakened.

“Oh. My. God,” I said when it meowed at me.

“Do you like her?” Wade asked.

“It’s a she?” I asked, and he nodded. “I love her.”

I put my hand in the box to lift her up and place her on my chest. But I didn’t get the chance, because she swiped at me with her paw, an attempt to scratch me. Well she did, but it was nothing more than a graze.

“Asshole,” I scolded her, and she meowed making me laugh.

“We only take assholes in this family,” Wade commented.

I made another attempt to lift her, and this time she let me. When she rested on my chest she nuzzled my chin, begging for attention.

“Hey, Lady Asshole,” I cooed at her. “Welcome to the family!”

© 2019 by Rhys Everly-Lawless

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